Wednesday, March 5, 2014

A prayer

Dear God,

I pray that You guide me through this life, to show me what my future pathway is like; if this job is right for  me, and if it isn't, I pray for You to open up doors for me. I believe that You would bless me with the right one, and guide me through tough times. Please give me the strength to own up for myself. Please, I pray that You too, give me a peace of mind to control my anger and the frustrations in me now. I am at a crossroad now, not knowing where I should go. Take my hand, and lead me. God, I thank you for all the things in my life. For my family, friends, an amazing mentor, and great colleagues.

In Jesus's Name,

Sunday, March 2, 2014

Finding oneself

Hello there,

So, I am at a crossroad, which I am pretty dead sure all of you do experience this exact same feeling as I do. Initially I thought I have finally found my true passion calling at this company when my boss expresses his wish to start a social media department for me. I mean, yes, I am pretty damn sure I know I want to do this - and heck, I have never been more determined in my life to make this come true. I have a vision where I can actually see myself doing. The challenge here is how do I begin and where do I seek the answers from?

Some would say life is actually pretty straightforward, the only factor complicating life is You. I couldn't agree more. However, I couldn't help but to think that it can be truly perplexing when you get so bogged down between the choices you have in life and you are absolutely clueless in deciding which pathway you ought to follow. What do you do when such scenario arises?

Life is a journey made up of a lot of road choices and decisions. For every decision you make, you will have a substantial different ending from one another. How do you know what is truly right for you? Prayers have been known to answer many many queries.

What do you lot think? And how do you usually overcome such difficulty/options that were/are presented in your pathway?

Thursday, February 27, 2014

When Life Sucks You In

Recently, I have been dealing with some of the grievance of my mates when they found out that their loved ones suffer from one of the deadliest disease, Cancer.

My biggest fear is definitely deaths, especially of the ones closest to me. I couldn't fathom the process of even having to go through the receiving of the news and brace myself in every scrap of courage and faith in me to deal with this. This is why I absolutely detest growing up, because as the number adds up year after year, the ones around me gets older and older.

When I first returned to Malaysia from the States, I had to firsthand witnessed the shrinkage of my dear ol' daddy brought tears to my eyes. Happiness, and more sadness to it. The man that once had the strength to lift my fat chubby ass up when I was a little girl, is now experiencing body aches and reduction of appetite. Even as I'm writing this while thinking of it brings heartache to my soul. I just wish I have all the power in the world to keep them alive as long as I live.

Life is short. Waking up every day feeling healthy is a blessing in disguise. People get so caught up with such materialistic matters, that they take so many things for granted. Worst of all, most of us think we have all the time in the world to spend time with our loved ones. It doesn't work that way. Money can't buy happiness. Chasing money only result in an increase of hunger and greed towards obtaining more Benjamin Franklins. In return, what do you normally get? Fraternizing with other women/men, drugs, unnecessary spending of money, and a BIG FAT ZERO time spent with your family.

Money is important, no one in this world can deny that fact. However, it is most certainly paramount to keep in mind and constantly reminding yourself to have a balance between work and time for your loved ones. Do not regret it last minute because there is definitely no way of you turning back time and restarting your old life, pondering what would be the alternative ending should you spend less time chasing the impossible while neglecting the ones that truly matters most. 

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Its' okay to cheat?

Alright lovers,

A friend of mine posted an article that totally was the biggest bollocks I have ever read in my entire life! (She didn't write it) No joke. And I felt that, I needed to voice out my concerns about this particular topic. Usually, I would be like, meh, its-stupid-but-whatever-kinda-thing but this is just outrageously full blown retarded! Perhaps this guy was just trying to write something so condescendingly dumb in order to provoke the readers and hoping to gain some form of popularity like the viral videos/stories.

Despite whatever justification you may use to stand up for this theory, what happens if some of the more naive males decided that hey, those 6 reasons totally made sense and I should be like that! I honestly couldn't fathom the logic behind this article. Yes, maybe its just for the fun of it, however would it not cause a social disaster?

So anyway here goes the article titled, "6 Reasons to Cheat On Your Girlfriend" 

I'm going to quickly list out those 6 reasons and carefully pen out my thoughts on each one of them.

1) It's in Your Nature as A Man
2) Your Game Will Improve
3) Your Girlfriend Already "Cheated" On You
4) You Can Get Away With It
5) It Could Improve Your Relationship
6) You Will Truly Learn How To Live On The Edge

A) It's in Your Nature as A Man
I have heard countless of men, even my own bf, telling me this, "It's in our biological DNA. We are meant to fuck as many how women as possible. We are literally hunters"
Perhaps you lot are, but yes, why be in a relationship and cheat? If you think that you are supposed to live a free and fuck-as-many-women-as-possible lifestyle, please do it by all means. Just don't get in a relationship with another human being and fuck her life up!

B) Your Game Will Improve
"In general, whenever you consistently approach women with the intent of having sex with them and push your comfort zone, your skills with women will improve."

Okay, where is the sense in this? Your skills with women will improve? I really don't know what he's trying to convey here. You don't need to have any skills, just be yourself, and you'll eventually attract the right kinda girl for you. Have you not heard of the saying, "Just Be Yourself?".

C) Your Girlfriend Already "Cheated" On You
Absolutely. Please just keep using that pathetic excuse just so you won't feel bad when you are out there boning some other random women whom have absolutely do not give two hoots about you or your fucking well-being. This is honestly the worst excuse ever. What if you were really dating a sweet girl? I believe that when a man wants to cheat, he will give 101 excuses just to make it valid.

D) You Can Get Away With It
First few times? Maybe. The author has a point when he mentioned that some women do choose to hide from the fact and go on with their lives. Those women are either too nice, or they are simply thinking that this man loves her and he will eventually return to her side. Whatever. But, whether you are a splendid liar or the worlds' greatest cheater, one day, that one day, you will falter and well - leave your gf/wife for that other woman, or accidentally let the cat out of the bag. Every human is imperfect. Also, how long are you going to keep up with the lies and acts? Whats the point in it?

E) It Could Improve Your Relationship
Right. So, why not both girls and guys in the relationship cheat so that everything will be perfect! I don't see how because first of all, when a guy cheats, hes going to come home and have that look on his face. It could be guilt or it could be im-bored-with-you/im-not-having-sex-with-you-cause-im-tired-NOT-but-because-im-fucking-a few other-hotties! You will be causing huge strains in the relationship and nothing good will come out of that.

F) You Will Truly Learn How To Live On The Edge
Okay. This is his how he explained this point:
"Cheating and sexual promiscuity has its inherent risks. The risk of STDs, unwanted pregnancies, vengeful boyfriends, private detectives and in this day and age - false rape accusations and of course, getting caught. It requires a certain level of skill and either one big lie or a numerous little ones."

 And if you do hit the jackpot, you are going to live with that horrible, brutal disease for the rest of your life. Pretty sweet, ain't it? To take such risk and put your quality of life on the line? And what then? You freaking regret for having promiscuous sex and try to spread some dumb shit message to the public when you know that this damn shit will happen?

Sometimes, it just gets me thinking if some of this people are really clueless about life, or they are just plain dumb. Really, life is as simple as ABC.

If you want to cheat, go live a single, free, and easy life. Do not burden the other individual. Go live on the edge as long as you want. Go explore your inner hunter self without putting other people's happiness at risk.

Tell me, what do you guys think and comment below.

Thursday, February 20, 2014

When Lovers Become Strangers

As I was scrolling through Facebook news feeds (hourly routine - its like a MUST) reading a synopsis of what's happening, who's dying, bitches stories, I'm-pregnant etc, I came through this article titled, "When Lovers Become Strangers".

Upon reading it, it hits me hard. It isn't easy to simply erase all existing memories since Day 1 to the last day you guys called it off. Yes, certain vivid ones will linger around, slowly taunting you with its tantalizing yet somewhat confusing mixtures of sweetness and bitterness. Do you cry? Or do you smile at the thought of it? I don't know.

There was this part whereby the writer mentioned that "I want to believe that you either love someone, in some way, forever, or you never really loved them at all. " 

It is truly perplexing because honestly, it has never crossed my mind even once (well maybe only ONCE) in my entire 25 years of living. Now, it has struck me. Perhaps the distance will soothe the pain. Perhaps.

I personally feel that it is outright saddening to have to scratch off the He/She's-The-One to Just-Friends, or maybe even an acquaintance. I thought he was The One until I realized, I am merely hoaxing myself into believing that we are so good together, happily ever after will be part of our ending. I haven't pulled the plug because deep down inside of me, there is a tiny part of me that screams out, "but.. but... BUT YOU LOVE HIM!".

Do I want to choose the pathway of making him a stranger? Unfortunately, I am still undecided yet, but I can tell you that my heart is slowly stiffening up. Slowly building up bricks around it, pushing him further into the gutters.

So no, I don't want to be put in such spotlight for this decision. I don't want to ever determine if my present or future lover a stranger. 

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

I need YOUR advice!

Okay, its been nearly 2 years. ONLY 2 years! and the amount of changes this relationship has gone through is impeccable. Nawww... Just KIDDING!

 Just like any other relationships, there are ups and downs in ours.

I have been immensely intense with us recently, and honestly, I can't exactly tell you why I feel such way. Making a relationship work is really tough. Well, at least for me. I'm not too sure about him. See, I always try to put myself in his shoes before a fight surfaces.

For instance, when my cousin told me he will be getting another male roommate, he literally expressed his unhappiness of having a male roommate, and definitely prefer a female one.
So, at first glance, I said to him, "oh is it because its cleaner to live with a female one as opposed to the male?"

To my surprise, he claims, "No, its not that. ...." (and he stops at that)

Of course I got so frustrated at him. What did he mean by that? I try not to care too much but it is slowly changing the perception of my idea of choosing this man and sacrificing so much for him. In the past nearly-2-years, he has nothing to worry about me because I dont' give him shit, I would rather take the public transportation in America than having him to pick me up or even walk in 4 inches snow/ walking to DD to get him breakfast during a snow storm while he comfortably sits at home watching TV.

Then, when he returned to Malaysia with me, I struggled wickedly hard to get him a job. Literally begging people I dont know to give him an opportunity. Finally, he has a job and guess what, hes still complaining about it.

I had even gave him my car, so he could travel 'comfortably' to work (though hes always boiling and yelling at the traffic!) while at one point in time, I had to take the public transportation (in MALAYSIA, which is bloody awful!), back home. Did I mention the danger of walking in Malaysia.

Not a single problem, and all I hear is ... complains complains complains.... work complains.... life complains... so many other hot girls out there.... this and that.

All of those pretty much made me think twice on this relationship and I honestly don't know anymore if I want to live like this.

So readers, drop in your faithful comments and share them with me.
Truly appreciate it!


Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Commitment & Uncertainties

Dear readers,

How does one perceive commitment?

According to Google, commitment is the state or quality of being dedicated to a cause, activity or anything at all.

Me: I think commitment is starting something, flourishing it with all your love, passion and faith, and then seeing it through despite the hardship and obstacles that come flying your way.

But, what happens if at the end of the day, the 'activity' you are committed to fails in spite of all circumstances?

It's not like I'm trying to be awfully pessimistic about this but the 'what-if' question plays a crucial part in your everyday life, right? Or do you just ignore the possibility of 'what-if' and then go with the flow? But then again, wouldn't you need like a back up plan eventually?

Tonnes of questions, with limited answers.

I don't know.