It was a tearful event. Heartbreaking, depressing and emotional-freaking-tiring one. If I do manage to survive this helluva turmoil, I swear, I am not going to put myself through anymore of this kinda shit for a guy.
*****
The fact that the both of us mentally broke down after a month of the break up, drilled a hole in me. After all the pretenses and act I had to put on in order to prove to him that I am certainly not a loser/crying bitch/desperate ex whom wants him back, the confrontation we had, i.e. us confessing how we still long for each other and the unthinkable thoughts of us meeting new people is just obnoxious. The major pain and self-denial I had to go through was unbearable because it just turns out to be pointless and painful. and ridiculous. and shows how freaking egoistic I am.
My friends are right. The many many day and nights of self-denials I have gone through, have just taken away my one month plus of time that could be used spending with him.
So, I have finally decided to make it or end it. For good. I told him I will fight for this relationship and I want to be his for as long as I could. I certainly do not want to regret in the future of not trying my best for someone I think whom is worthy of my time and emotions.
If he doesn't feel the same way, I have decided that I should just quit and never see him again. I will not put myself through the pain once again. At least I know I've tried in fighting for us. For believing we could make it.
******
*****
The fact that the both of us mentally broke down after a month of the break up, drilled a hole in me. After all the pretenses and act I had to put on in order to prove to him that I am certainly not a loser/crying bitch/desperate ex whom wants him back, the confrontation we had, i.e. us confessing how we still long for each other and the unthinkable thoughts of us meeting new people is just obnoxious. The major pain and self-denial I had to go through was unbearable because it just turns out to be pointless and painful. and ridiculous. and shows how freaking egoistic I am.
My friends are right. The many many day and nights of self-denials I have gone through, have just taken away my one month plus of time that could be used spending with him.
So, I have finally decided to make it or end it. For good. I told him I will fight for this relationship and I want to be his for as long as I could. I certainly do not want to regret in the future of not trying my best for someone I think whom is worthy of my time and emotions.
If he doesn't feel the same way, I have decided that I should just quit and never see him again. I will not put myself through the pain once again. At least I know I've tried in fighting for us. For believing we could make it.
******
No comments:
Post a Comment