Denial

 

I must say most people are in denial of themselves. Their true feelings. You know, those different voices you hear in your head. Especially during the hard times. I'm sure you peeps would figure out what I mean.

"You know you will find a better one"

"Things will get back to normal. Just patiently wait." 

"He/she will come around. No sweat"

"I do not like him/her anymore"

"This will be the last time I sulk for him/her"

"He/she seemed like they are doing just fine. I have gotta toughen this chicka and act like I am doing better"

"She/he doesn't fancy me no more"

"He/she still fancies me"

nada nada nada.... and the voices could just go on and on and on. 

Sometimes, it gets so conflicted in that tiny space, confusion and mixed emotions surface. 

You wanna break free but you don't know how to. 

One moment you're like "Okay, Im getting better", the next, *sobs loudly* "Why is this happening to me?"

You get so caught up with them emotions you forget what matters around you anymore. 

Despite that, self denial could actually do yourself some good. Brainwash yourself into thinking you are fine when you are not. It somehow works. Temporarily. I think. Well, to me. LOL. I know I know. Depressing but hello, any other options? 

This is my first time of self denial. Most definitely an unpleasant feeling. And devastating. And excruciating. And requires alot of willpower. And I am absolutely most certainly failing miserably. But Im still gonna try. Not waving any white flags. Yet. At least not until it reaches the Finish Line.

I therefore conclude, fingers crossed, *heart pounding at the speed of light*

*hot flushes visible on face* 

*obviously self denying again*

that I can stop my self denial and go back to the time where nothing was wrong or will go wrong in the future.