Yes, Yes and Yes! I was so caught up with my emotions, I couldn't hold it in any longer, I drew him a picture that expressed what I feel deep inside, wrote a paragraph of motivational stuffs that ends with my confession!
CLICHE, ain't it! I never thought I would actually do this! Honestly, I'm pretty surprised myself! But nonetheless, I did it, and I fucking gave it to him. Its' all done.
p/s: I have to tell you lot something! Everytime he tries to open up himself, I do not fucking know why, but I just automatically dismiss that. For example, when he said he missed me I was so mind blown, my mouth stood ajar like the Gate of Heaven.. for a good couple of minutes, stared at him blankly in his eyes, and changed the topic. I don't bloody know why! for crying out loud. So I've been beating myself about that for a long time because I need to act less cold and at least express myself! I tried a couple of times, but chickened out! Thats me. the clucking headless chicken.
------------
Earlier today,
He came by my apartment. He was asking if I'm leaving to New York tomorrow. I pulled the 'dismiss-emo-moments' stunt yet again, changed topic as usual. Then, there was this song playing on Pandora Box that goes " I ain't missing you when you're gone..." He said he'll be singing that song when I leave. I looked him in his eyes and told him, you lie too much, and yes, you're going to miss me. And then, he had that look like I read his mind.
Moments later, we were on the lying down, just staring at one another, while I was trying to fit my hands in his, he grabbed it and blurted out that he cares about me. I was dumbfounded because I had absolutely no idea where did that come from! I asked him what was that about, and he seemed that he was shocked he said those too. He dismissed it.
We took a nap. When we were cuddling, stream of tears fell down my cheeks. I was worried this would all change when I go to NY. I was saddened at the thought of even leaving him. I wanted to cry my eyes out but I didn't because he was right beside me.
Woke up two hours later. He changed into a different person. There was this moment when I thought he was staring into the mirror checking himself out, so I dissed him telling him that he loves himself too much. He then replied me, "Yes, I most certainly do love myself. Know what I don't love? Women?" I could have sworn I had that teary puppy eyes staring at him because I was about to hand him a picture I drew and a confession of mine that I'm falling for him! I'm pretty sure he noticed it because he then put his hand on my head.
(Even as I'm writing this, I feel a like my gut is in a blender, going in circles being blended into juice. The agony and pain. Its throbbing like a heartbeat. It hurts. It does.)
----
So here's the drawing I gave him.
Both hands on his cheeks. its me comforting him when I'm gone. The proximity of my lips to his, its me wanting to kiss him so badly but I hold back for fear of pain and rejection. Him closing his eyes, because I know he feels the same way too. Me closing my eyes, thats me holding back my tears.
CLICHE, ain't it! I never thought I would actually do this! Honestly, I'm pretty surprised myself! But nonetheless, I did it, and I fucking gave it to him. Its' all done.
p/s: I have to tell you lot something! Everytime he tries to open up himself, I do not fucking know why, but I just automatically dismiss that. For example, when he said he missed me I was so mind blown, my mouth stood ajar like the Gate of Heaven.. for a good couple of minutes, stared at him blankly in his eyes, and changed the topic. I don't bloody know why! for crying out loud. So I've been beating myself about that for a long time because I need to act less cold and at least express myself! I tried a couple of times, but chickened out! Thats me. the clucking headless chicken.
------------
Earlier today,
He came by my apartment. He was asking if I'm leaving to New York tomorrow. I pulled the 'dismiss-emo-moments' stunt yet again, changed topic as usual. Then, there was this song playing on Pandora Box that goes " I ain't missing you when you're gone..." He said he'll be singing that song when I leave. I looked him in his eyes and told him, you lie too much, and yes, you're going to miss me. And then, he had that look like I read his mind.
Moments later, we were on the lying down, just staring at one another, while I was trying to fit my hands in his, he grabbed it and blurted out that he cares about me. I was dumbfounded because I had absolutely no idea where did that come from! I asked him what was that about, and he seemed that he was shocked he said those too. He dismissed it.
We took a nap. When we were cuddling, stream of tears fell down my cheeks. I was worried this would all change when I go to NY. I was saddened at the thought of even leaving him. I wanted to cry my eyes out but I didn't because he was right beside me.
Woke up two hours later. He changed into a different person. There was this moment when I thought he was staring into the mirror checking himself out, so I dissed him telling him that he loves himself too much. He then replied me, "Yes, I most certainly do love myself. Know what I don't love? Women?" I could have sworn I had that teary puppy eyes staring at him because I was about to hand him a picture I drew and a confession of mine that I'm falling for him! I'm pretty sure he noticed it because he then put his hand on my head.
(Even as I'm writing this, I feel a like my gut is in a blender, going in circles being blended into juice. The agony and pain. Its throbbing like a heartbeat. It hurts. It does.)
----
Both hands on his cheeks. its me comforting him when I'm gone. The proximity of my lips to his, its me wanting to kiss him so badly but I hold back for fear of pain and rejection. Him closing his eyes, because I know he feels the same way too. Me closing my eyes, thats me holding back my tears.
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